Not with a bang but a Shrimper

The game: Southend United v. Wycombe Wanderers.
The ground: Wembley Stadium.
The conditions: appropriate to the start of the great British summer; positively dismal.

My first season in the lower leagues was coming to a close and so, on pure impulse, I decided last week to treat myself to one last, luxurious outing at the end of the campaign. Poring over final fixtures of the footballing calendar, I settled upon the League Two play-off final between the ‘Shrimpers’ of Southend United and the ‘Chairboys’ of Wycombe Wanderers – the venue none other than Wembley Stadium. Come Saturday morning, my overexcitement was starting to worry my loved ones. “What do they know?!” I thought, as I stepped out of the front door. Completely nude bar my Southend-Wanderers half-scarf, I knew this was going to be a great day out.

Okay, yes, that last part is an exaggeration for comic effect. I would never wear a half-scarf. Still, I was very excited; with Southend and Wycombe having both finished the regular season on eighty-four points – the former formidable defensively, the latter with more by way of goals – I had a strong feeling that this would be a match of fine margins, a game replete with tension and tightly-fought drama from the get go. Arriving at Wembley Park, catching sight of the stadium’s iconic arch, my anticipation only grew. It was then temporarily diminished by the looped chanting of the Irn Bru-sponsored ‘Bru Are Ya!’ bridge, the giant signs along Wembley Way that warned the gathering League Two crowds against ‘persistent standing’ and the bitterly acrimonious process of collecting tickets. All that horror over, I went back to enjoying myself.


Though I’m sure every seat in the house had a sweet view, mine in the second tier of the Wycombe end was quite exceptional. As I settled down five minutes before kick off, yellow balloons and blue paper aeroplanes were already filling the air below; songs from both sets of fans just about blotted out the Alan Partridge-esque interjections from the hype man on the tannoy. Suddenly, the on-pitch pyro flared. The teams were led out to a thunderous roar. Phil Brown and Gareth Ainsworth took their places in the technical areas. The whole thing started to feel legitimately bloody epic.


I was brought back down to earth by the most League Two start to proceedings imaginable. From the kick off, after literally six seconds, Southend midfielder Will Atkinson clattered Wycombe counterpart Sam Saunders – the latter had to be substituted only three minutes into the game. This may have set a rather rudimentary precedent for the first half, yet there were several good chances for both sides to take an early lead. In the fifth minute, a looping cross from Chairboy Hogan Ephraim caused chaos in the Southend box; Shrimpers’ left back Ben Coker made the crucial clearance, but the ball could have gone anywhere. Ten minutes later, after significant Southend pressure at the other end, defender Cian Bolger worked a free header from a corner; he belted just past the upright, much to Wanderers’ relief.

In the twenty-second, Southend had the ball in the back of the net; another free leap in the area was afforded to long-serving Shrimper Barry Corr, and the striker planted a beautiful header into the top left. Unfortunately for him, this was disallowed for a pretty blatant shove by Bolger on Chairboys’ centre back Alfie Mawson in the build up. A chorus of boos rang out from the Southend fans, only silenced when Wycombe striker Paul Hayes made the Southend net bulge not two minutes later – this was ruled out for a narrow offside.

After that, the rest of the first half was very, very bitty. Wycombe had a couple of good opportunities around the fortieth-minute mark, Hayes seeing a low shot saved at the feet of Southend keeper Daniel Bentley before midfielder Sam Wood sent a twenty-yard curler inches over the crossbar. Apart from that, it was all robust fouls, even endeavour and punted free kicks. The break came with the game goalless. Both sides had plenty of room to improve.

It took a while longer, but improve they did. Though it was much the same up until the seventieth minute – the Shrimpers had the best chance of this period, Corr forcing an acrobatic save from young Chairboys’ stopper Alex Lynch with a firm header from five yards – the tempo was hugely upped with full time looming. In the seventy-fifth, Wycombe should have opened the scoring; a rare one-touch passing move on the edge of the Southend box allowed Hayes to burst into the left side of the area but, with a great sight of goal, his shot at the far corner was too close to Bentley – the keeper made the save. A flurry of Wycombe efforts followed, but it was their opponents who should have struck next; in the seventy-ninth, Shrimpers’ substitute striker Joe Pigott thrashed just wide from ten yards.

Wycombe had a last chance to snatch a win in regulation time, centre half Aaron Pierre with a bullet header which was tipped over superbly by Bentley late on. Despite the overdue flourish, the ninetieth minute ticked past without a score for either side. The extra time tension ramped up. The Chairboys’ paper planes collected by the side of the pitch like some sort of bright blue aviation graveyard. A bad omen, perhaps.

It certainly didn’t look a bad omen for Wycombe when, four minutes after the restart, they went one-nil up. Wanderers’ striker Aaron Holloway won a free kick twenty-five yards out, just to the right of goal. Left-back Joe Jacobson stepped up, then bent a gorgeous shot onto the underside of the crossbar – and in off the diving Bentley’s back. The Chairboys went wild, half of Wembley erupting in jubilation. A stony silence descended over the Shrimpers. Now could the Chairboys sit tight?

The answer was, well, astounding. Wycombe defended valiantly for the rest of extra time. In the hundred-and-fifteenth minute, they could and certainly should have put the game to bed; Holloway burst through Southend’s desperately high line, went through one on one with Bentley and, with a couple of teammates in support, overplayed to the point that Coker got back and made an emphatic tackle to keep his team clinging on. Then, twenty seconds from the final whistle, as the Wycombe fans jumped and celebrated in glee, the game truly delivered on all the pre-match excitement. Southend attacked. The cross came in from the left. Corr headed down to Piggott. Piggott turned in the Chairboys’ box, unchallenged. He rifled a low shot into the bottom right. Equaliser. Mega scenes from the Shrimpers. A low murmur of anguish around me.

So it went to penalties. The teams stretched out along the halfway line. Southend were up first.

The heroic Joe Piggott made the long walk. A moment’s hesitation. Scored.

Wycombe’s Peter Murphy was up next. To the keeper’s left. Scored.

Then it was the turn of the man with the crucial tackle, Ben Coker. Saved! Lynch had done it!

Alfie Mawson scored. Wycombe were ahead.

Ryan Leonard tucked away for Southend, Paul Hayes for Wycombe.

Jack Payne kept the Shrimpers within touching distance, pinging home.

Matt Bloomfield trudged forward for Wanderers’ fourth. Bentley got a hand to it! Screams of Southend relief!

The tension was now unbearable. Seven more penalties were taken, all converted. Southend now led seven-six.

Sam Wood stepped up to take Wycombe level once more.

Bentley stopped him.

The Southend players raced wildly from the touchline, arms outstretched toward their disbelieving keeper. The Wycombe players and supporters crumpled alike. A last minute equaliser, then the cold calculation of spot kicks. Southend had calculated the better, and now the noise of primal joy reverberated around Wembley, cutting through the total hush amongst the stricken Chairboys – the fans who had come so close.

Southend will play League One football next season, while Wanderers will have to regroup and challenge once more come August; keep their squad and management together and, despite this cruel loss, they should be in a good position to do so. As for The Luxury Fan, there is no telling what highs and lows future football will bring. To make an educated guess, however, the lows will probably involve drinking Bovril on a frozen terrace in mid-December. Just a guess, that.

Result (AET): Southend United 1 (7) Wycombe Wanderers 1 (6).
My MoM: Joe Piggott. Lively from the moment he came on, took his penalty well. Oh, and scored a leveller with half a minute to go.
Best fans: anyone who persistently stood. Take that, Wembley.

Not with a bang but a Shrimper

You win some, you Lewes some

The game: Wingate & Finchley v. Lewes.
The ground: The Harry Abrahams Stadium.
The conditions: brighter than my citrus wallpaper.

As the afternoon sunlight poured through the windowed sides of The Harry Abrahams Stadium’s grandstand, I settled down to watch the ‘Blues’ of Wingate & Finchley face off against the ‘Rooks’ of Lewes. The away side may have won the last six meetings between the two, yet the home crowd had reason to be confident at kick off; with Finchley seventh in the table and Lewes eighteenth, the Blues seemed well positioned to turn their fortunes in this fixture around.

The game started slowly. In the second minute, Lewes were given the first opportunity of the match with a promising free kick from twenty yards; this was fired high over the crossbar and onto the rugby pitches behind the home net. Both teams spent the next fifteen minutes trying to find their feet; Karl Oliyide made some loping runs for the Blues as teammates David Knight and Richard Graham combined well on the right wing, but there was little end product; Lewes looked less threatening, but had the majority of the possession. After nineteen minutes, there had been no saves for either keeper to make. In the twentieth minute, there was a goal.

A clipped midfield pass put Knight through on goal; the Blues’ forward then ran thirty yards to the opposition box and, though the Lewes defence managed to force him out right, he slipped a precise shot in at the near post. Rooks’ keeper Rikki Banks got something on it, and probably should have kept it out; nevertheless, Knight did well to get the shot on target, and got his reward.

With the home team ahead, the pace of the game improved considerably. In the twenty-first minute, Oliyide was sent lolloping away into the box after some good home passing; his thumping drive at goal was just blocked by Lewes’ defender Chris Breach. Snappish tackles started going in all over the pitch, while Finchley’s final ball rapidly improved; in the twenty-seventh, a tantalising Knight cross nearly found the Blues’ number nine, Rob Laney, unmarked, only to be cleared by the faintest of touches from the covering defender. Lewes were not playing badly on the ball, yet they created very little; the away team lacked a cutting edge, their forward line especially. Finchley were far more incisive, Knight, Oliyide and attacker Tommy Tejan-Sie all combining nicely. After a few wayward shots from Knight, they were rewarded once more.

In the thirty-fifth minute, after Oliyide had won the ball back from Lewes in the Blues’ half, some good pass-and-move football led to a quick home counter attack on the left. The Rooks’ defence was caught cold and, after a keen pass from left to right found the oncoming Oliyide in space ten yards out, the Blues’ eleven calmly fired the ball back across Banks and into the top left. This was by far the best move of the game, and deserved the impressive finish. Since Oliyide was to come off only four minutes later having suffered a knock, it also signalled his last contribution of the match; not a bad way to bow out.

Tejan-Sie had a low shot saved by Banks not long after, while the Blues continued to make progress on the right flank; Lewes seemed to be floundering in the minutes before half time. The home side couldn’t take further advantage, however; two-nil at the half, and it was time for a non-alcoholic beverage in ‘The Wingate’.

The start of the second half was much the same as the start of the first; bar a few testing crosses, neither team made much happen. In the fifty-fifth minute, Rob Laney hit a skimming shot at Banks, but the away keeper collected this up safely. In the fifty-seventh, Knight fired a shot just over Banks’ crossbar; again, the pace was picking up. The home side were not satisfied with a two-goal lead, continuing with their direct attacking play. Likewise, Lewes were still muted in attack; substitute Arron Hopkinson did provide some fleeting threat with several good runs down the left flank, but no real chances were carved out.

In the sixty-second minute, Finchley should have been three-nil up. Some tricky running by Knight tormented the Lewes defenders; having sped twenty five yards to the opposition by-line, his dangerous cross was then cleared for a corner. This was played short to Tejan-Sie, who turned in the box and hammered the ball into the net. Celebrations ensued amongst Blues fans and players alike, yet the linesman had raised his flag; after some deliberation between officials, the goal was disallowed for offside. To put it bluntly, this was a ridiculous decision. Tejan-Sie’s onside position was clear to everyone in the ground bar the referee and linesman, and especially clear to the irate Finchley Ultras – one of whom could only express his rage by a distinct cry of ‘LOUD NOISES!’

Happily for the home support, this mistake did not affect the result. The game turned a bit tense after this, snappish tackles becoming snappish fouls; Rooks’ defender Ollie Rowe scythed down Tejan-Sie with particular aplomb at in the sixty-ninth, but no card was produced. The last twenty minutes saw Lewes ramp up possession, but their lack of creativity continued. Meanwhile, the Blues remained incisive; several one on ones were carved out, but the third goal eluded them.

In the eighty-sixth minute, there was almost a spectacular home finish to the game; Knight raced down the left flank before his accurate cross fell to Laney, who attempted an ambitious overhead kick. This was strong and on target; it may well have gone in were it not for a brave block from Lewes’ defender Sam Cole – using his face. After this painful-looking incident, Knight and substitute Gavin Suddell almost managed to pass the ball into the Rooks’ net, but Banks kept them out. Four minutes of added time then passed by quietly; the comfortable home win was complete, while the Blues’ bogey team were well beaten.

Result: Wingate & Finchley 2 Lewes 0.
My MoM: Karl Oliyide. Only on for forty-odd minutes but ran directly, scored and created opportunities; the home side’s attack wasn’t quite the same without him.
Best fans: the Finchley Ultras. ‘LOUD NOISES!’

You win some, you Lewes some